My Testimony
I wanted to share my journey of how I ended up here, as a dedicated personal trainer, writing crazy workouts and enjoying helping others reach their fitness goals. The title “Terribly Fit” came from an inside joke that developed during my 9am workout classes. One morning during class, everyone--including me--was dying, and
someone yelled out loud “this is terrible!” and I blurted out back, “but we are terribly fit!” And so “Terribly Fit Workouts” were born. My motto has always been, “if you don’t question your own sanity at least once during a workout, then you aren’t pushing yourself hard enough.”
I wasn’t born like this, to be honest, I was the opposite in my younger years. I hope that my story might help at least one person to realize that you can never be so out of shape, physically or spiritually, that you can’t make a turnaround. Once I realized this, my healing began.
I was raised in a Christian family in Southern California with no major family issues. I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior at 6 years of age, but also with a 6-year-old’s understanding of what it meant to become a Christian. Unfortunately, I never really progressed from that understanding until I faced my own suicide attempt at age 36...but I’ll get into that a little later. As a child, I felt overweight, even though I actually wasn’t. And that crazy desire to be skinny led me down terrible paths I never should have travelled. The first of those paths was an eating disorder that began in the 10th grade. I tried starving myself at first, but after almost fainting a few times, I decided bulimia was an easier method. Little did I know that bulimia was the first of many addictions that would torment me for years.
When I left for college, I chose a second terrible path. The freedom of living on campus threw my party life into high gear. At age 19, I was introduced to crystal meth at a club and I jumped right in, solely because of the weight loss! In the beginning, I was able to keep the drug use to the occasional weekend. With no spiritual direction in my life and my insane desire to be thin, crystal meth led me to a tragedy that I still have trouble living with. My best friend, Jennifer, whom I had known since I was a baby, was shot and killed by a gang drug dealer who was trying to shoot her boyfriend. I had introduced her to that boyfriend and for that, I feel I can never forgive myself. Everything I thought I knew and believed about life was shattered in that instant. After Jennifer was killed, I didn’t care about much anymore, leading to more terrible decisions. I started using meth daily. I dropped out of college and my parents finally kicked me out of the house after trying everything to turn me around. I had multiple bad relationships leading to two abortions. For an entire year, I lived deep in the meth
world, using, selling, and constantly moving to avoid being caught. Casinos were open 24 hours a day, so they were a great place to sell drugs. After spending so much time in casinos, I added gambling to my list of addictions. Finally, one afternoon, a police team kicked in my door and arrested me. I was charged with multiple felony charges and faced prison time...but apparently God had other plans for me. My charges were reduced to a misdemeanor, mandatory drug recovery classes and I was released. I moved home and began adjusting to a drug free life. My addiction to gambling stayed and I replaced drugs with binge drinking. I didn’t realize it then, but I was always trying to fill the “God shaped” hole in my soul with addictions or “fun” as I told myself. It never worked.
I managed to get an office job in 2003 and keep my drinking on the weekends. I actually moved up in the company and started making really good money. Sadly, my gambling addiction devoured almost every penny. In a 3-year period I got married, divorced and my first DUI. I started trying to turn to God at that point, but I was unwilling to let go of the gambling and drinking. This unwillingness landed me a second DUI in 2008. After wearing an ankle bracelet and almost losing my job, I knew I needed to change.
I married my husband Barry in 2011 (one of the few good decisions I’ve made in my life), but it wasn’t until I gave birth to my daughter Kaylee in 2014, that I finally gave God my full and undivided attention. As soon as Kaylee was born, I was hit with severe postpartum. I couldn’t eat, I was having panic attacks, and I wanted to give her up for adoption. I knew deep down that couldn’t be right. Everything was gray and I could not feel joy in any way, shape or form. I reached out for help from doctors, but the medication wasn’t working. I had never experienced depression like this before.
When Kaylee was about 2 months old I decided I couldn’t see any way out and I decided to commit suicide. I had begun the plan in my head, yet I knew it was not a good idea. Then miraculously, my mom came home before I could make my last terrible decision.
She prayed a prayer over me that I will never forget and in that same moment, I prayed a desperate prayer I’ll never forget. I asked God for a deal. If He would heal me from this depression, I promised I would tell any and every person I could about what He did for me and that I would surrender...EVERYTHING...to Him. Three weeks later, through God and a change in medication, I felt joy again for the first time since Kaylee had been born. When Kaylee turned 5 months old, I no longer needed medication. My Psychiatrist was amazed. I have always said my daughter is the best-worst thing that ever happened to me. God used her birth to make me a NEW person.
For the first time I realized there was more to life than just trying not to do bad things. I realized that God loved me so much that He wanted a relationship with me. The God who created the universe and everything in it wanted to spend time with me. Not a “Santa-God” kind of relationship where I asked Him for a laundry list of things and then sat back and hoped He did it. God wanted to have a relationship with me as my Father that loves and cares about me. This was hard to grasp at first because I did not have the best relationship with my father, but I heard a pastor describe it this way: Think about how I feel about my child – I love her unconditionally and I want her to come to me with her problems and when she needs things. But...if she only ever came to me to ask for things and never once said she loved me or wanted to spend time with me of her own free will and love for me...it would not be a relationship. It would be a “one-way-ship” and I would eventually feel hurt and used.
What’s crazy is this is what I had been doing to God! Yet God loved me anyway. Facing death by suicide and praying that desperate prayer to God made things so much clearer. I began to read the Bible and ask God to help me get to know Him better. Can you believe that is a prayer God will always answer yes to?
Since I finally chose a good path (only took 37 years) and fully gave EVERY part of my life over to God, I realized something. God has given me the ability to say “no.” I can say no to gambling, binge drinking and bulimia and all the unhealthy things of my past. Am I 100% cured? No. Have I had relapses? Yes. Does God forgive me fully and completely when I ask for forgiveness? YES, a million times YES! I’ve learned that my weaknesses just remind me how much I need God and He is always ready to help me through the weakness if I just ask. And being the loving and generous God that He is, God also gave me fitness and exercise as a beautiful outlet for my crazy, my addictions and a way to give back to others.
So if you don’t remember anything else I have written, please remember this: God still loved a meth using, gambling, abortion having, binge drinking, divorced, DUI getting, suicidal, eating disordered woman named Cyndi and enabled her to now live a life full of joy. He wants to do the same for you. If anything, I have written has sparked something in your heart and you want to learn more about what a relationship with God is, please email me.
I pray these workouts and Bible verses give you physical and spiritual strength to become Terribly Fit.